The Idiosyncrasies of Facebook

The Idiosyncrasies of Facebook
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Seriously people? You actually believe this?

The main reasons why I have such resentment towards Facebook is because of the users. Sure, Mark Zuckerberg and his constant “updates” which result in my page being open to the public because he clearly has no regard for privacy, are a tad bit annoying. But I just can’t bring myself to delete my “timeline”. Living 5000 miles away from my family and friends would be a lot harder if I couldn’t communicate with them on a regular basis (AKA stalk their pages to see what their up to). Regardless, I still hate you, Facebook (technically, I hate you, 68% of Facebook users). This is why:

  1. NO, I don’t care about “that awkward moment” which wasn’t even really that awkward.
  2. The obsession with hash-tagging. Do you think it makes your status sound witty? If you didn’t know, the purpose of hash-tagging is to categorize different posts. So you can click on #49ers and see different pictures of the Niners. #thatawkardmomentwhenthatpersondidthatonething is NOT an appropriate hash tag – even for the sites where hash-tagging is appropriate. It’s annoying. Stop it.
  3. “Dear person that I’m not friends with on FB like the asshole who parked too close to me or that guest I had at work 5 minutes ago that I just want to bitch about to all of my friends and family who don’t care”. At ALL.
  4. People’s “selfies” (& the fact that they’re called “selfies”.) I get it, you want to impress your FB friends, more or less one specific person. But this narcissistic infatuation you have with yourself is uncomfortable for everybody on Facebook, except the creepy guy from your high school that consistently “likes” each one.
  5. I can live with the whole “I’m going to the gym AGAIN today – I’m AWESOME” types of statues because, let’s face it, at least ONE of us is working out – but to follow it with these “memes” about how these kinds of statuses aren’t annoying just makes all of it altogether SUPER annoying.
  6. Not so subtle rants about the boy/girl you “like” that clearly doesn’t “like” you back. Apparently we’ll never really leave high school.
  7. The “OMG we get it – the ____________ won the game. Why do 70% of my FB friends need to post about it? Don’t they know I’m ALWAYS on FB, therefore I HAVE to read their statuses?” statuses by the same girls who, ironically, post about “The Bachelor” every god forsaken episode. Seriously? Sports represent unity and comradery. The Bachelor (+ similar shows) kill brain cells. That’s all.
  8. The people using FB to promote wherever they work. No, I don’t want your Mary Kay bullshit. No, I don’t want to go to that club in Florida that you promote for.
  9. Share this picture/story/video if you care. If you don’t share it, that means you want puppies to die and you hate gay people.
  10. I don’t mind the profile-picture-changing to support a cause. I think it’s great you support said cause – and word of mouth, especially via social media, can be one of the biggest marketing tools for many organizations. It’s the negative and condescending posts about how these things DON’T help that drive me absolutely crazy. You’re antagonistic and pessimistic statuses (& outlook on life, overall) don’t help ANYBODY. Be a Debbie-downer elsewhere.
  11. Hey Facebook I’m Bill Gates and this picture is clearly NOT photoshopped. If you share this, I will give you $5000 because it’s “about time” I start giving back to the people even though I’m the most generous philanthropist in America.
  12. The obscene amount of spelling and grammar mistakes. Please go back to third grade and learn the difference between “their”, “there” & “they’re”. OH – and “loose” & “lose” are two different words. Lord save us.

Overall, if you’re spending far too much time thinking about what clever hash-tag you’re going to add or how to word a status to make it sound witty or if you’re taking 39185 pictures of yourself to get the perfect “candid” of you mysteriously staring off into the distance or adorably laughing, YOU. ARE. SPENDING. TOO. MUCH. TIME. ON. FACEBOOK. Please do us all a favor and log out. There are people that you can converse with face-to-face in this thing called the Real World.

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  1. Ceri says: Reply

    This is genuinely exactly how I feel about FB! 😀 I’m obsessed with Twitter but only use FB when I’m travelling and want to stalk old friends and see what they’re up to.

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