I mentioned in one of my very first posts that I’m not a writer (→the “(x2)” in the title is in continuation to the aforementioned post, Why Blog?). I don’t intend on having a career in writing, nor do I think my writing is the slightest bit noteworthy or significant. This isn’t me being modest or anything, but I don’t even have much interest in pursuing writing further than my little blog.
However, recently I have found myself getting caught up in this whole “blogging world” – obsessing over views, trying different tactics to acquire more followers, attempting different approaches to writing to get more people interested in my blog. I’ve been trying to think of different topics that people would want to read about and I’ve been whoring out my posts on Pinterest to increase my site traffic (which has worked ridiculously well, by the way. I had almost 600 views yesterday alone just because of my 25 Ways to Travel Cheap post going viral on Pinterest.)
Anyway, with all of this new traffic and a [slightly] increased amount of followers, I’ve found that I’ve gotten major writer’s block. For some reason, there seems to be so much more pressure because I feel like I need to maintain this new high level of viewer-ship and write about what these people I don’t even know, want me to write about.
I’ve been reading other blogs and comparing myself to them. How do they have so many followers and comments? Why aren’t people “liking” my posts? It’s this whole obsession over public acceptance and approval. And that’s definitely not why I started blogging in the first place.
I think I’ve started to lose sight of the purpose of this blog in the first place. I spent a year blogging on Weebly.com where this “blogging community” was essentially non-existant. There was no “Reader” where you can “follow” different people or even a place on my blog where you can “Subscribe” and receive my posts via email. I’m sure my viewer count was a lot lower during that time, but I don’t think I ever cared what people “wanted to read”. I wrote what I wanted.
Not to say that there aren’t many benefits of having a larger following and being more involved in the “blogging community”. I probably babble a lot less (with the exception of this post, of course) and in that sense, my writing has improved. But I think I just need to find that “happy medium” (are you getting annoyed of all my “quotations” yet?).
What even constitutes a “writer” anyway? (Nope, not done yet). I’ve said it multiple times now – I’m not a writer. I’m not nearly as involved in world issues as I should be or able to write about them with a unique opinion that make people want to quote me. I’m constantly hitting the Delete/Backspace button to edit everything I say (and mainly to remove the curse words that so naturally come out). But what does it matter if people want to quote me or if people even read what I write period? The point is to write. It’s the therapy behind furiously typing away at my keys. It’s the natural words and uninhibited thoughts that flow onto my screen. It’s the passion that spills out of your body into something more tangible.
I have drafts on drafts of unfinished bullshit posts that are piling up day after day. I think I have an idea of something “interesting” to write about, only to hit the “Save Draft” button after a few meagre sentences. I go to my “Reader”, only to beat myself up because of my lack of ability to inspire like some of these other writers. It’s that writer’s block.
This is the first post in a while where I feel like I was able to just write freely. Will anybody actually read this post? No idea. But like I’ve been trying to say – that’s not the point. Before I started blogging, the idea of writing was like having an extension of my brain (I would feel way too cheesy saying an extension of my “heart”). It was a place to put down all my thoughts and perhaps read them later and laugh at the ridiculousness and pettiness of it all. Or to remember the little things we always forget. As obsessed as I am with taking pictures, they don’t show everything. They can’t depict the struggle you had climbing those 10k’s up a mountain. Only words (with the potential of a certain amount of exaggeration) can truly illustrate the stories behind the staged photos.
So anyway, this is my vow to be more “true” to what I write. More true? Truer to what I write? I told you I’m not a writer. But you know what I mean..Less bullshit. Less attempted-publicity. More real-ness. Is there a word for that? Writing for the sake of writing.
And not giving a fuck what people think. (Had to get at least one curse word in there 😉