Dearest Future [Non]-Employer:

Source: someecards
WARNING: This post may contain offensive material in the form of profanity that may not be suitable for children under 13 or adults over 40. But mostly just adults over 40.
Source: someecards
Source: someecards

After I posted “Résumé of a Worthless Job-Whore“, I got a little nervous. It doesn’t exactly shed the best light on me, nor my ability to be a cooperative and respectful employee. I’ve always been super careful about what I put on the internet in case future employers “Google” me. I have a different name on Facebook — to all of you who think my last name is “Joelle”, that is indeed my middle name, I rarely post pictures with a single red solo cup anymore, and seldomly post statuses about my weekly drunken shenanigans.

I was taught when I began college that you shouldn’t put anything you don’t want to be seen by your mother or boss, on the internet. So after being lectured multiple times by older girls in my sorority because I had “inappropriate” pictures of spring break in Mexico, I finally realized that this kind of public display of immodesty was not very lady-like. So down went all of my frat-party, half-naked, Captain-Morgan-chugging, gang-throwing (kidding), bird-flipping photos.

After blogging for the last year and a half, I’ve kind of forgotten that filter. I don’t exactly post pictures of doing body shots or beer bongs (nor do I even participate in these kinds of recreational activities anymore, sadly), but I have absolutely no filter for my profanity and don’t mind telling Soju-filled tales where most of the main characters end up completely blacked out.

So after posting my obscenely large list of ex-jobs, I thought “oh shit, what if a [potential] future employer Googles me and finds my not-so-secret but kind-of-secret resume online? (not-so-secret since I posted it on the internet and kind-of-secret since it’s not exactly the resume I give to employers). So naturally, I Googled myself to see what comes up: my old blog, LinkedIn, this blog, a shit-ton of pictures (kind of creepy), and various other pieces that I’ve written for other sites.

Basically, my future employer is going to have a LOT to read if they want to Google me. So yes, it’s absolutely very likely they may come across my secret-not-so-secret resume. I debated deleting it, but then decided against it.

I realized that if my future employer doesn’t like what they see, then they can fuck off. Yes, YOU can fuck off, future [non]-employer. This post is dedicated to you:

Dearest Future [Non]-Employer (assuming you would absolutely not want to hire a drunken job-whore who curses like a sailor),

There are two sides to me — actually SCRATCH that — there are MANY different sides of me. There’s the drunken foul-mouthed somewhat-immature 20-something year old mess that this blog may or may not have portrayed. Fortunately, that’s not the only side of me (thank God, right?). There’s another side of me that you’ll see if you were to hire me.

I’m hard working and I always take the initiative. Yes, I can be a bit outspoken, but you should be happy that you have an employee who thinks for themselves. I like to do things the right way. I like to be efficient. I like to kick ass at whatever and EVERYTHING I do. Seriously, I go fucking nuts if I suck at something and I will keep working until I’m the very best.

So yes, I might get drunk outside of work (and only at work when you’re allowing me to…thank you Nicky Rottens) but people are allowed to have fun. It’s absolutely ridiculous that companies like YOU base your opinion of somebody based on their FACEBOOK. Sure, if you Facebook stalk a potential employee and they’re openly talking about drugs, then obviously don’t hire a person stupid enough to put that on the internet. Alcohol, however, is perfectly legal. As is cursing. And partying. And even throwing up from partying too hard (wait..that is legal, right?)

A social scene makes people happy. A social scene allows people to let off steam and unwind. Sometimes a bar might be a person’s sanctuary from work. Sometimes drinking an entire bottle of wine after a long shift is the way to make somebody happy (and a great way, might I add). So when you find this “inappropriate” behavior after Googling or Facebook stalking them, you shouldn’t be surprised. Excuse me if my entire Facebook or blog isn’t about my daily tasks at work.

So if you, future employer, find this blog and decide AGAINST hiring me because of the content I have written, then I am 100% better off without you. I am perfectly capable of being an excellent employee, despite what you might think are my “flaws”. I’m an adult (well, kind of) and know how to balance work and my social life. So if you want to hire some goody-two-shoes, boring, very sober girl over me, then you clearly aren’t the company for me anyway.

And about that long list of jobs — there was a lot of moving being done (northern California to southern California to Australia to California to Korea), which can account for at least half of those job changes. The other ones…well….I’m a firm believer in the fact that you can only be truly successful at something if you’re passionate about it. Sorry I wasn’t passionate about selling paintball tickets. Sorry I wasn’t passionate about serving crab legs to anyone who wasn’t ME eating it. Sorry I wasn’t passionate about greeting people at a bar unless of course, I was completely shmammered (again, thank you Nicky Rottens…why did I ever quit that place?) What is it the kids say these days…? “Sorry that I’m not sorry”, right? Anyway, I’m not an idiot. I know I’m an expendable employee. Sorry that I figured out that expendability can work both ways — don’t, I repeat DON’T, work at a job where you’re unhappy, people. It’s not worth the stress, misery, or pay you’re getting. You can always find another job.

In addition, (not that I even need to keep explaining myself..but I will a little bit anyway) yes, I sometimes have issues with my bosses. But only the really idiotic ones who don’t know what they’re doing. If YOU are not an idiot, then we won’t have a problem. Do your job and let me do mine.

Anyway, Future [Non]-Employer, I’m impressed if you’ve even gotten this far. Do me and everyone else a favor and treat your employees (& potential employees) with respect. Don’t judge them based off of their Facebook or blog. Sure, we might be “stupid enough” to put our lives on the internet, but it’s the 21st fucking century. That’s just technology and the culture these days. Get over it.

Source: someecards
Source: someecards

And lastly, to everyone (future employers, future non-employers and all other readers): some words to LIVE BY.

Seriously,

LIVE BY THESE WORDS.

Words to Live By
Source: unknown

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  1. Ceri says: Reply

    OMG, Kirsten, you are quickly becoming my favourite person. Ahahahahaha. This is too brilliant!

  2. Love it! I’ve heard people say you’re the one who NEEDS the job. Well, the company needs you too. Why is the position open?! Go ahead, girl!!!

    1. Thanks Yvonne! I absolutely agree – companies need their employees just as much so we shouldn’t let them walk all over us! I’ve worked at enough shitty jobs to realize that it’s always possible to find a job that you like MUCH better and treats you way better too!

  3. This is really great! Wait!!!!!
    Fucking Great! sorry!

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