In an attempt to “branch out” in the social media world, I’ve finally decided to create a Twitter account! Yes I realize I’m about 8 years late. (I actually just Googled “Twitter” to see when it was founded. Which was in San Francisco, of course, because California is AWESOME.)
Anyway, I decided long ago that I would never use Twitter. I actually made an account back in 2009 (yes, my username was Kaybaybayyyy, which was clearly very popular, hence the necessary added “y”‘s. Oh – and I’ve mentioned that I sometimes go by “Kay”, right? Kay was originally my “college name” because I spent 18 years unwillingly responding to “Kyyyyyirsten” or “kRIsten” by quasi-dyslexic people that had known me for more than a decade. But now it’s more of my alter-drunken-ego) and “tweeted” exactly two times (“tweeted”? What exactly would the past tense of “tweet” be? Tweed? Twet? Twat?). Once to say “I have no idea how to use this tweet-business” and then one other time: “I’m watching the Nuggets play the Kings 64-62 in the 3rd Quarter on my iPhone right now!”, which clearly was just a sports app posting on my behalf.
And so now, four years later, I still don’t know how to use this tweet-business. I feel like how I did the time my friend Quintin forced me to make a MySpace page back in 7th grade – ummm what’s the point? What do I write in comments? Why can’t we just text message? What’s a bulletin? Who’s this creepy Tom guy I’m supposedly “friends” with? Why does everyone look so emo in their profile pictures?
But seriously people, how exactly do I properly “tweet”? What’s the correct tweeting-etiquette? How many “tweets” is too many tweets in one day? When is an appropriate time to use these God-forsaken hashtags? When and why do you “retweet” and tag others? How am I supposed to fit my ramblings into…how many characters is it?… 140 characters!?
Yes, I know I sound like a 74-year-old grandma asking her teenage granddaughter how to use the internet.
I was originally opposed to the Twittering world because one of the big reasons why I hate Facebook is because I give zero f***s about your minute-to-minute daily activities. I don’t care that you’re at the gym for the 27th time this week. I don’t want to know that you think Kimmy from the Bachelor is a giant ***t (that word wasn’t “slut”, by the way…may or may not have been the past tense of “tweet”). I couldn’t care less that “Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station.” (If you haven’t seen Easy A, drop everything you’re doing and GO WATCH IT).
Anyway, one of the reasons I’ve given in to the dark side is because, like I said, I’m trying to “expand my social media network” or whatever. Not to be a sell out, but one day it’d be nice to make some money from this biz-natch and unfortunately, Twitter has taken over the world, so Tweeting, I must. The actual goal is to eventually write an eBook – this blog post was actually in procrastination of this daunting task. Yes, daunting. Starting to write a book is a lot harder than it seems. But anyway, PR and marketing and social media exposure and all that…it seemed like it was finally time to let go of my preconceived notions that Twitter is nothing more than a narcissistic and superfluous nuisance in life in general. I suppose it could be somewhat entertaining. I hear Anna Kendrick is pretty hilarious anyway.
So, kind folk of WordPress and other amazing readers of my little blog, feel free to Follow me on Twitter! (I currently only have one and it’s my boyfriend, so it doesn’t really count.) And I promise I won’t tweet about going to the gym (mainly because I haven’t had a gym membership in years).